i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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