i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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