dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
