You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
