i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
