I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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