In America we eat man semen.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
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