I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
