2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
