I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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