Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
