we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
