i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
