I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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