o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
