If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
