she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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