I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Randomize
