What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
