So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
