I'm drive I can fine osifer
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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