did you get engaged???
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
