The brown eye won't let me do that either.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
