im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
