Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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