So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
