he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
