Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
