You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
