Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
