So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
