He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize