Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
