so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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