I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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