On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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