butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
