his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
