No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
