I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
