cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
