so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
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