Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
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His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
ok first of all what the fuck
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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