GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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