Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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