I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
