Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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