I'm really into asian looking animals
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
The beer is more important than you right now.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Randomize
