Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
