my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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