If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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