Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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