I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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