Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
