I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize