i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
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it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
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Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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