fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
