I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize