Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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