He asked to "fluff my boner.."
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
