fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
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