I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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