can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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