She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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