remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
My vagina is very pro this idea
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
God I need to hump something, right now.
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