evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize