So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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