Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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