You just made me feel so damn special
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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