Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
