woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
