so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
