My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
