I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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