Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
